Today because is almost end month, and its Friday, I will write something that will make some of you, who are weak hearted to ukia small. I would also not wish you to destroy the money you have hard worked for all this month with persons. You would rather call me we drink that money instead of destroying it. I cant take more than 8. We will beat stories of giants and save. If you dont want to be shown news by these persons, read on.
I remembered this story yesterday because of one man called Theuri. I was with him somewhere near Ruai bypass where he is buying a land. I am telling him that he will be stolen, but he cant hear me. He said of men get lost in many places.
After he showed us the land, we said went to a place called Makuti to have two to remove dust. Small time, he saw his phone cry small. He looked at it, muted it and said ‘Shaitani uyu i ndiramirire ndagacoke kuhurira?” (this Shaitan, I told her not to call me again?) We asked him why. He said that she told him that she lives with her sister, so Theuri cannot go visiting. He said that at his age now, he cannot climb in rooms anymore. If a person of out wants his tree, they must own a house where he will climb them from, not lodgings. And since this person said that she lives with the sis, he has not business with her.
A few years back, there was this person through Theuri that looked like two suns combined. Yellow yellow, thutha is not of borrowing and speaks fluent English. Although Theuri is not the person that can throw a person to you just like that, sometimes he is genuine with his throwings. The other good thing about Theuri is that he beautifies your CV to persons. But in the mix of things, sometimes, it ends up hurting you more than good. Like the other day, we were with this persons at Bee Centre, near Kayole, to be fair with places. aOne guy that sells Thuruaris passed with his briefcases of thuauris for sale.
He said to this person in ear ‘Nducagure thuruari hau na mutongoria e haha. Cagura ta ithano” (Si you choose thuauris, and the leader is here. He will buy like 5).
The person smilled and beckoned the seller of thuruari to come near. She choose 5. I wanted to cry out loudly when the man that sells those thuruaris extended his hand to me and told me its only a thao. I felt so bad, almost to cry. At that time I am buying somebody thuruaris of a K, my car is lying somewhere with no insurance, even a third party that is almost free. I said, if devil was not bad, that K, plus some few more ks would have been enough to kata a one month third party before i start seeing money. The car has been with no insurance or service for a year. Devil is bad because I was planning to paying this month. Now, I am a k less. Shetani ashidwo!
Back to this story of the person Theuri brought to me, because she looked so hot and did not look like she was the type that can put thuruari on head, I told Theuri to beautify my cv. He told the person ‘Riu we, ndiraigua ni uriaga thina. Ugirage ngiri ikumi o mweri kuri mutongoria uyu. Na akorwo nindahenania, auge ndarikuneaga” (I hear you eat problems? Be getting 10k a month from this leader. And if I have lied, let him say he will not be giving you) Though his beautifying was extra ordinary, I knew it was a way of him borrowing beer. I said he gets two two.
When his beer was about to get finished, he started to almost destroy my CV. He told the person, ‘Uyu kiria atari kinene no shuma. No wendo ni kumaniriria ona riria kanyiha” (This what he does not have is tree. But true love is to tolerate even when the tree is small).
I told the person that its true, my tree is not so big, but it has some exta ordinary features, like zig zag and a knob. Knob, for those who dont know is something that only people that got circumcised in the village get putted. In other languages, they call it nguati. After all, I told her that I could pull my riang’a with priers to become bigger. Tying it with pegs at night could make it longer, if she wished, I told her.
By the time we had taken 5 beers, she had believed all the lies about me. Theuri was telling her that I could even buy her a car. So that she does not refuse to know why my car was old, yet I could afford to buy her a car, Theuri said that I have many cars, but i have special attachment to that car, like am of devil.
There there, she removed thuruari and putted it on her handbag. When I saw her put thuruari on her handbag, I felt tree push my zip until it destroyed it. The other guys also ukiad until they said we go to town to drink beer that has been brewed completely, unlike of ngara that is brewed faster faster because people of ngara wouldn’t mind.
When we entered my old car, I inserted hand small on her skirt, still fearing she will stop me. Then, I realised that I was the leader that could even buy her a car and leaders dont fear persons, persons fear them. I inserted more and felt something like my forehead. No hairs. I falled chair and started to touch tiita. After small time, I remembered that I had been catched by rogue cops of Parklands police that instead of catching thiefs of side mirrows and sidelamps, they look for people climbing inside cars at night. Because I knew she lived in Ngara, somewhere near Hotel Southern blue, I told her we go to her house to drop some stuff she ha with her. I told her that such stuff make thiefs break into cars and if her house was just near there, it was only fair to drop them. As we wer going, she told me that she was in need of 2k. I told her that I will give her, no problem. I am a leader with integrity.
When we entered her house, her housegirl opened the door. She was instructed to go sleep in the bedroom of the boss. There there, I knew this person wanted some actions small in her table room.
By the time she was closing the door to the bedroom, the person had downed my trouser and was sucking my zig like she wanted something to remove from it. She commented that whoever says that my zig is small has never seen small zigs. She also commented that its zag nature was likely to make someone always want it. Again, she was the first person to marvel at my knot. Other persons think that its an abnormal growth, alike a tree that was growing from my tree.
There there, I unbuttoned her browse and started to suck brookie on the side. Sucking should not be the word. Lets so licking on the side. I did not want to suck because I smelled the presense of a baby in that house. After small time, I unzipped her skirt and it falled down freely. What i saw made me want to almost pour. Tiita hole looked so small, until I refuse to know how my zig will enter there. Small dot. Then, her huyos looked extra ordinary. They were small, and looked like they had been permed, like European hair. And the huyos were not black. brownish brownish. Then, they were shaped like a V. not by shaving, but naturally.
I pushed her back and made her her sit on the sofa. I then knelt and inserted my tongue small. Then, I inserted more of my tongue. Then, i searched for tiita with the tongue and when i found it, I pulled it out. I then started to mumunya like lolipop. Occasionally,I would remove tongue and bit the tiita with my teeth, making her say original mbus.
She said mbus and said mbus, until she held my tree and told me to insert. I looked at her with vagina of eye and saw she was not telling me to put makobosto. With my heart, I called her devil pepo baya and removed myself from her hand to insert makobosto.
After makobosto was safely rolled in, I inserted the head of my zig, then removed, inserted and removed. I teased many times, almost making her angry now because she was crying for me to insert all. Then, slowly, I inserted all tree. I tell you that was tiita and a half. Although it cannot reach the level of the person i told you about that had kamonie that felt like had sand paper inside, this tiita was extra ordinary in its own ways. I felt like when tree was inside, it was being tied with a blunder inside that was nyongaring my tree. Ebu try to hold your neck firmly with your hands, like nyongaring yourself. That is the way i felt. On removing and returning, this kamonie had its own stylo. When removing, parts of kamonie was coming out with josto. On returning, those parts returned too. Men, it was good. I enjoyed looking my tree go in, then remove with kamonie. Quite a scene.
I ramnyad and ramnyad and the person said mbus with mo mathematics. Small time, I heard this ka voice from our back “maaamiiii”
On looking, I saw a kipii almost my size standing there. The person pulled a bedsheet covered ourselves, I think the one house girl uses.
The person told the boy “Dadiii.. rudi ukalale. Nakam saa hii. sawa”
Muclimbano has no manngers because i returned tree inside. Because i saw the possibilities of her not allowing me to pour, now that that kapii had interrupted small, I putted figure of her kamonie. I imagined how her kamonie was removing with things. Then, I putted other faces fast enough to pour.
After pouring, she removed makobosto from my tree and panguzad me with a cold towel. We then dressed up.
After dressing up, I removed my wallet to remove two k and give her. On looking at my wallet, it had notes of 100 bob that was not more than 800 bob, with a plus and minus of 10%. Devil had been, for a long time, telling me that I had like 8 k. Kumbe, thaos had turned into 100s miraculously.
I started to sweat because i dint know which lie to give. I asked the person if she wanted to take two more beers we go to town. She said that was perfect with her. She showered fast, then we removed from the house.
I then remembered that I had an ATM. We passed by stima plaza where we have coop bank ATMs that dont finish money fast. I knew in the account, there was something like 4 k or about. When I inserted the ATM, and clicked on check balance first, I got this message “Dear Wanjohi, You have no good head. If you check balance again, I will swallow your card. A check that was issued to your account bounced. We decided to penalize you with a fine of 3400. Your available balance is 394.45″
I felt something go through my head, almost making me faint. I refused to know what to do. I said, then, let me remove the 300 bob, I add with the 800 bob, I give the person a K and lost. When i returned my ATM and keyed withdraw 300 bob,a ka smiling face appeared from the screen that said ‘For the last time, remove your card. This is not Equity. The minimum you can remove from this ATM is 500 bob. But so that you dont become nuisance to other ATMs, kindly check your card in your branch, Nyeri after two weeks!”.
After small time, my head reminded me that I was a mafia, if everything else fails. I picked phone and called Theuri. I told him to bail me out with 5 k. He said 5 k is to say bad. Akuku was in Zimmerman and no one else could help me at that time.
I said, lemmi go to town, I might see someone who knows me, and might bail me out, like what happened sometimes back when a person appeared in Magomano when i had only 600 bob left. She took two black ices, the rest of the story you know it.
I parked on the Ambassador side and told the person we go to Hornbil and drink two. As I was walking, i was looking all over to see if I can see anyone that knows me or hear a Subaro passing. Chances are, if its a Subaru, I know the owner, from Sir chaos to Mpesa and many others.
We entered Hornbil and wented upstairs and sat there. On looking around, I didnt see anyone that knows me. Only people like Kiama who did not know me then. With 800 bob with me, it was enough to buy drinks but this person was in real need of the two k. I said bad is bad, I will lost away. It was the only option. And leader cant say he has no money. Again, I had not planned to ever go back to that house. That kipii might have marked me and I feared the kapii might do me harm. I said, better room, forever.
I asked the person if she was hungry. Very fast, she said yes. I told her we go downstairs and put meat of burnt. As we were taking the stairs, she did not see me again. I removed like lightening and run out.
Lucky for me, this person had not borrowed my contacts. There was no facebook then, so she could not search for me. But as fate would have it, after two months or so, we met with the person eye to eye in the street of Nairobi. I smilled at her and tried to explain what transpired on that day. Though she was not in the mood to my stories of giants, I gave her 500 bob and told her to go eat lunch. But I made a mistake. I told her where she could find me in my joints at Rifa rori. That 2k I refused to give her, later I paid with more than 20k. Everytime, she would pass and borrow one k, two k, or so and many more drinks. But I never had an opportunity to climb her again. I was too ashamed to borrow.
If it were you, what would you have done?
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine